Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
