I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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