I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
