Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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