id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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