I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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