On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Everyone says I win the strip club
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
