i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
