I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
