remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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