My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
