So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just cropdusted the office
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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