Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I did not marry a roomba.
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