She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize