I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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