As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
