holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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