Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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