ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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