the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
