'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
