I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
