i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
