Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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