K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
