love makes seman taste better
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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