For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
