My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
