the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
