Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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