She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
