how can u be prego again
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
