new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize