do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
