First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
