Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
