she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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