she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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