I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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