loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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