I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
