Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
