Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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