my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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