I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
