ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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