I forgot how hot balto sounded
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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