this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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