Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
