I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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