You can't special order awesome
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
