everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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