your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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