Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
