I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
