I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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