I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
